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Hail Lord of the Rings

By Eric Wronsky

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               I know that it’s been about 8 months since the release of the last LOTR film, but I feel that after the recent DVD release of Return of the King that it was appropriate to pay homage.  Plus I just watched it yesterday…and it’s really cool.  The LOTR trilogy has to be the best contribution to film since the original Star Wars trilogy, perhaps even preceding it.  The film industry has just been waiting for films such as these to be released and they’ve finally got it.  Now suddenly it’s okay to like the type of genre that LOTR has set the bar for.  The storytelling involved in these three films far surpasses anything from this generation.

                Finally!  Those old film critics have to shut up and enjoy something!  “What ever happened to the days of good filmmaking?” they asked.  “Everything these days stinks!  I’m old!”  Well now they can just cram it!  Screw Henry Fonda and everyone who watched him.  We have Sean Astin and Viggo Mortensen.  Our generation has a group of films that we can go “See!  We know what it’s like to enjoy genuine movie gold!” and those old crusty bags just have to agree.  But these critics seem to have taken it well.  They actually appreciate it the same way I do, as seen in the Academy Awards.  A clean sweep!  I don’t even think the Academy thought about the other candidates for every other category.  They were just like “Did you remember that part where Legolas took down that elephant thing by himself??  That was so cool!  Of course Return of the King has to win makeup!”  But when it came down to best picture, it was no contest.  Lost in Translation didn’t have the umph, although very good.  Mystic River…please…the more I think about it the more I can’t stand that movie.  Anything with Russell Crowe and a bunch of seamen wasn’t going to cut it, and a horse movie?  C’mon.  Did you see how many horses were obliterated in Return of the King?  I rest my case.  It was clear that for the year 2003 and tons of other years preceding it, Return of the King couldn’t be touched.

                Before LOTR, if anyone brought up the topic of “fantasy,” people would think of the Dungeons and Dragons nerds and video game losers.  The same way that Star Wars made it cool to like Science Fiction, LOTR made it okay to like fantasy.  Suddenly all the closet cases come out.  Before LOTR no one but the coke-bottle glasses kids would admit to liking dragons and books about King Arthur, but when the movies came out, you’d find the hot popular chicks wearing Fellowship shirts or football players reading The Hobbit during class.  Movies like Lord of the Rings are bridging the gap between the nerds and the populars!  Not only are they good movies, they’re promoting world peace.  Tell that to your mom next time she tells you not to spend so much time watching movies.  You’re doing your part in bringing the masses together.  Lord of the Rings gives hope to all the Babylon 5 geeks and makes the populars find attractive qualities in the same kids who attend comi-cons.  Wow LOTR truly is a remarkable era.  That’s right.  An ERA.

                So now that I have firmly established the greatness of the trilogy, I encourage all of you to devote one day of the year as LOTR day.  Preferably on a day in December, when each of the three segments was released, you take a day off work, pick a weekend – whatever – but you should get all three special editions of Fellowship, Two Towers, and Return of the King, and watch them back to back.  11 hours of epic storytelling is a perfect way to spend the day.  If you don’t believe me already, do this task and you will know that this trilogy belongs with Star Wars and the Godfather.  I command you!  I’m always right!

 

Eric Wronsky

SSP


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